Princess Matilda Diaries--How to Spend a Very Productive 90 Minutes

7:15 a.m.  Dear Diary...everyone left for work and school earlier than usual.  What's a girl to do?

7:16 a.m.  Playing with real bones on the lanai....what fun!  I never want to stop...I could do this ALL DAY!!

7:20 a.m. Okay, done with that.  I'm bored now.....  Next?

7:25 a.m. Ooh....there's still water in my bowl....

7:26 a.m.  Not any more...water gone...I'm wet.

7:30 a.m.  I'll take a nap...I could sleep for days....so very very tired.

7:45 a.m.  I'm done now.  What's a girl to do?

7:46 a.m.  See partition between between my part of the lanai and the part of the lanai with all the fun stuff...looks like chairs, a small house, a pot (water???)...  A princess such as "moi" could never get over that!!

8:01 a.m.  I'm over!  I'm in.....let the good times roll!

8:02 a.m.  I'm busy.....did my business in this brand new area!  They'll be so happy that I marked it.  Can't wait until Daddy finds it.....[Note to self:  Daddy did find my treasure...with his shoes....discovery of business in this manner not so exciting for humans.]

8:20 a.m   Still busy...the pot DID have water in it AND some dirt AND some plants. Oh joy!  Oh joy!

8:35 a.m.  Mission accomplished...that plant is toast and I'm thoroughly smelly and dirty.  Now how to get back to the other side so no one's the wiser....

8:45 a.m.  Stuck...can't get back....Okay, there's still more water....I'm back....

8:50 a.m. BUSTED....Papa came back from the gym and I think "We are not amused" is an understatement....

9:00 a.m. Daddy home from work...YEAH!!!  

9:01 a.m.  Daddy reinforcing my fence between the two parts of the lanai....now it's higher and I'll never get through....

9:20 a.m.  Daddy gives me a bath......

9:45 a.m.  Daddy puts me in my sleeping crate until he comes home at lunch....tells me he loves me very very much....

9:46 a.m.  Sleeping....catching my zzzzzzzzz's.......

Here's How Hawaiian Princesses Really Sleep....

FINALLY...my playing exhausts Daddy....It's so hard to get him to slow down...But isn't he just the cutest thing you ever saw??  That's my iddy widdy little human (okay not so iddy)...but you get the point...

I get so pooped keeping him occupied with running, fetching, chewing.  I mean, seriously, I keep bringing back my squeaky toy to him...and then, hello...he throws it again.  When do these humans slow down?

P.S. I now weigh a svelt 26 pounds!  That is just about twice my weight when I emigrated from Aussie-land.   A girl does have to watch her figure but I in my growth phase....That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

"Take Sominex Tonight and Sleep....Safe and Restful...Sleep, Sleep, Sleep"

No dear readers...this is not me....alas, it's my brother in Western Australia... Although I sleep in bathtubs and under BBQ grills, I've yet to find a nice cubby like this.  He is a handsome devil isn't he?  Can you see the family resemblance?  I wonder if this picture was taken right after his harrowing day eating something "unmentionable" which, according to his Mum made him "smell like a skunk"?  It required at least two baths!!  Can you imagine?  He must have smelled MAH-VAH-LUS!!  Simply MAH-VA-LUS!!

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head....

....and I can honestly say I LOVE it when those raindrops do....especially in this wonderful blue hole I discovered.  It's cool, moist, and the drips keep coming and coming....I discovered it when my sibs Sophie and Eli were taking a bath....I jumped in--didn't like that as much.   And I really don't like it when Daddy makes me take MY bath (you've heard about that before)....but I still just keep coming back because....well because....just look!!!  Who could resist???

Th

The other day I even discovered a little human in the tub!!! And she didn't move at all and she let me grab her leg and run around with her naked in my mouth.  (Didn't taste as good as the other humans though).  Then Sophie started screaming "Matilda's got my Barbie!"  Being the Aussie at heart that I am, I immediately thought "Silly Sophie, there is NO way I have a BBQ in my mouth!"  Then I realized she was talking about the little human in my mouth.  Well, now Barbie's  a paraplegic--whatever that is.....too bad, so sad.   But it was such fun while it lasted......

This is the "AFTER"...the "BEFORE" just wasn't a pretty picture

Well dear, dear readers....I found out that Daddy DEFINITELY does NOT like when I dig in the red dirt.  Okay, how was I to know???  There I was walking around the yard with my sister Sophie (she has two legs but is wonderful despite) and she let me go into the bushes and have some fun.  I just knew there was SOMETHING there...it smelled so good!  A combination of something dead, something else even deader and oh, did I mention something absolutely DEAD! After about 30 seconds, I heard Sophie screaming for Daddy.  I of course, being the quintessential Hawaiian Princess, thought, "oh Boy! Here comes the camera (again).  Daddy's going to come and be sooooo proud of me."  I know I look and smell MAH-VAH-LUS!!!  I had red dirt on every part of me that was white....I liked the effect.  Kind of like "punk rock meets diva."

Anyway "we are not amused" was an understatement based on Daddy's reaction.   And NO CAMERA!!  I immediately tried to run into the house so that I could jump on the furniture to rest or get back out back....and "hel-lo!???" that made Daddy's even more upset.

Bottom line---I took a bath, a very long bath.  So did Sophie....here's how I look afterwards.  Not sure what the big deal was but....Maybe he was just upset because he didn't have the camera???  Oh, I get it...I guess I'll have to be more tricky next time to allow more time so Daddy can go back and get the camera.

"By George She's Got it...She's Really Got it!"

Okay what is it about humans that make them do the silliest things?  First they make these ridiculously happy, squealing sounds when I do "shi shi" on the lawn....A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. So what's the big deal.  But I love teasing them, walking around and watch them begin to squeal with delight only to delay the inevitable....it's hilarious.

And THEN--I mean really...do they think they can dangle DELICIOUS treats in front of me and not expect me to do whatever to get them?    I mean who wouldn't "sit" for a salmon treat or a piece of REAL pork or REAL lamb?  All this Princess had to do was come and sit down for it. Then I got the treat.  Do they not know that, of course, sitting is a natural position for a Aussie-Hawaiian Princess such as Moi!  H-E-L-L-O, Princess. Throne. Sitting on the throne????

Daddy kept repeating it and repeating it.  And I'm like, Okay already I got it....Frankly, I'll even do it now without the treats.  But ooooooo I'll never tell them that.  Seriously--how much reptition do they think I need?   What do you take me for....a common mutt?  PUH-LEASE....I say them let them eat cake...I'll eat my all organic, natural, made in USA, all meat, no preservatives, no animal testing, no fake colors treat thank  you very much and will "sit" to your heart's content if that's what it takes and if that floats your boat.

Of course, now that the cat's out of the bag and they KNOW I'm smart--after all I learned this behavior when I was only at about 10 weeks!--they'll expect me to do EVERYTHING. Oh, the trials and tribulations of my world..... But I do enjoy the challenge of training humans into thinking that I am being trained...

Just what Don't they Understand about "Putting Another Steak on the Barbie"???? ...Sigh...

What if you gave a party and no one came?  I TRIED to get these Yanks to get the barbeque going but "oh no"...Maybe if just stay here long enough they'll get the hint???